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Jul 29, 2013 @ 7:07 PM | Link

Kepo The Right Way, Kepo The Wrong Way

What the fuck does kepo even mean. Kepo in English literally means being curious, or curiosity. Kepo could be an adjective, or a verb.

As an adjective: Dia itu sangat kepo (She's so curious).
As a verb: Dia lagi kepoin twitterku (She's stalking my twitter).

Kepo could also mean stalking as a verb, or looking as many information as you could get about a certain person. So what's with kepo the right way, kepo the wrong way. Lets admit it, we are all kepo people. People were born with curiosities. If you weren't born with one, you probably have no interest with people around you, or an antisocial.

Let me show you how kepo could be done wrong or right.

Someone updates her status:
OMG I've been drinking too much.

Right kepo: asks "God, really? What have you been drinking?"
Wrong kepo: assumes that that someone has been drinking alcohols.

What if this someone actually hasn't been drinking alcohols? Would you go around telling people that she's been drunk? What if you would just ASK her about it? Would it kill? What if she answered "I've been drinking too much water I keep going back to the bathroom." You would've saved yourself from one moment of embarrassment from telling people the wrong truth from judging by yourself.

Stereotypes. I just found this post about stereotypes. It's when you judge people from one point of view.

I'm SKINNY, so I MUST be anorexic.
I'm EMO, so I MUST cut my wrists.
I'm BLACK so I MUST carry a gun.
I'm BLONDE, so I MUST be a ditz
I'm JAMAICAN so I MUST smoke weed.
I'm HAITIAN so I MUST eat cat.
I'm ASIAN, so I MUST be sexy.
I'm JEWISH, so I MUST be greedy.
I'm GAY, so I MUST have AIDS.
I'm a LESBIAN, so I MUST have a sex-tape.
I'm ARAB, so I MUST be a terrorist.
I SPEAK MY MIND, so I MUST be a bitch.
I'm a GAY RIGHTS SUPPORTER, so I WILL go to hell.
I'm a CHRISTIAN, so I MUST think gay people should go to hell.
I'm RELIGIOUS, so I MUST shove my beliefs down your throat.
I'm ATHEIST so I MUST hate the world.
I don't have a RELIGION, so I MUST be evil and have no morals.
I'm REPUBLICAN, so I MUST not care about poor people.
I'm DEMOCRAT, so I MUST not believe in being responsible.
I am LIBERAL, so I MUST be gay.
I'm SOUTHERN, so I MUST be white trash.
I TAKE ANTI-DEPRESSANTS, so I MUST be crazy.
I'm a GUY, so I MUST only want to get into your pants.
I'm IRISH, so I MUST have a bad drinking problem.
I'm INDIAN, so I MUST own a convenient store.
I'm NATIVE AMERICAN, so I MUST dance around a fire screaming like a savage.
I'm a CHEERLEADER, so I MUST be a whore.
I'm a DANCER, so I must be stupid, stuck up, and a whore.
I wear SKIRTS a lot, so I MUST be a slut.

...and the list goes on. It's too long. Let's face it, most of us have done it: judging people. I've done it a lot. But now I've been trying to open my mind... not everything I know is always right.

I'm SKINNY, so I MUST be anorexic.

I'm quite skinny right now but that's not because I'm anorexic. I used to weight around 46kg or 47kg but then I went on diet so I lost some kgs to become 41 to 42kg. I'm proud of myself (you must see how fat this generation has been) and I didn't lose weight because what other people tell me. I did it for me and I like my figure now. Although a lot of people might say I'd look better curvy or chubbier, I like myself now and I do this to please myself, not other people!

How about other skinny people?

Look at YoonA.

Or Sooyoung.

People who don't know them would probably say "Ew, Girls' Generation, gain some weight please." But do you know their stories? They're the heaviest eaters in Girls' Generation, but they just don't gain weight. They were born like that, not because they want to be super skinny. In my opinion, YoonA looks just fine, but Sooyoung could look creepy sometimes but that's just the way she is. She was born like that. And she's like 170cm tall which makes her legs look so long and skinny.

And I found this story somewhere where a girl was bullied because her classmates thought she was anorexic bitch for being skinny... Turned out she had cancer and died later. What if you were her classmates? Wouldn't you feel bad?

I SPEAK MY MIND, so I MUST be a bitch.

I'm a pretty blunt person (that's when you say anything frontal). I could be offensive but I'm not stupid. I've hated few people in my life. But then here comes the thought: Should I keep hating? Or should I just pretend like nothing happened? Or in short, being fake.

I hate being fake the most. So when I hate someone, I hate them. Do I hate people for no reasons? Lol no. I have all logical explanations why I hate a certain person. And that's not your business at all. And that's also not your business to know!!! I have the right to tell, but when I think no, I should keep it to myself, I keep it to myself. Sureeee I can tell people how shitty this bitch has been acting towards me, what kind of things she has done to me, all the betrayals, all the shitty talks she's had behind me, but I don't think I should be the one to do it. Karma exists after all.

Slowly people around her started to know what kind of bitch she was, and when they told me, I must admit, "yeah she wasn't a very good friend after all". And she was hated by her friends, not because what I did, but what she did to everyone around her. LOL I'm not gonna write about how rotten that bitch is, and I don't care about what she tells people about me, I'm just glad karma has bitch slapped her hard in her face.

She was having a hard time because apparently everyone around her hated her, so she started visiting her friends one by one to ask them what the problem was, and say sorry. And she left me out. She said to me: sure, let's talk. But when I confronted her she couldn't say a word, too coward because I knew every little detail about her shitty life and actions. She was ashamed of what she did to me, so she chose to stay silent and run away (like literally run away from my sight, my life, lol).

Time has passed and I still hate her for being a coward, I get pissed whenever I see her but it stays that way.

Not because she isn't showing it, she's innocent. And not because I'm showing it, I'm not innocent. And until she comes to me and beg for forgiveness, I will not stop hating her.

So am I a bitch to speak my mind? Oh for heaven's sake. Every girl has had her "bitchy moment". I'm still trying to be a better person but come on, it doesn't mean I can do every little thing right. You won't know what's right till you do something wrong.

And if you don't like my tweets because I speak my mind, please unfollow, I wouldn't mind. In fact, I've unfollowed a bunch of people whose tweets have been annoying me or haven't been tweeting in a while, but that doesn't mean I don't wanna be friends with them anymore.

And what's my business with a certain person, is not other people's business right? I'm old enough to solve my problems. I would hate anyone who'd butt in because not everything they know is right, and they can't judge people from one perspective, or what others have tried to tell them. If they really cared about me, they would ask me instead of judging, right? This is just making me sad. Only God can judge.

So if you don't know my story, please don't think or act like you do. Don't think like you know every piece of me, because you don't. And if you're kepo, please ask, don't just judge and make your own assumptions. Not everything you assume could be right. It's best to ask, to confirm. If you're one of my closest friends I would tell, but if you're not and I think I should keep it to myself, then it means stay out of my business.

And if you don't like what I do, just tell it to me bluntly don't just go ranting somewhere else, where you shouldn't. BUT correct yourself before you try to correct. My tweets might not have been so wise, but have your tweets been?

I just don't get it when someone doesn't like what I write about someone else, yet she's writing about me (in like worse way than what I did) and start judging me for not "being wise" while what she's doing is not wise at all. I've lost my respect because I just really don't like people who don't really know the story but keep on butting in. AND ACT LIKE THEY KNOW EVERYTHING. Oh God......................................

And for everyone who says other teenagers my age are "being their age" when I should "behave because of my father's role" well I hope your kids all become porn stars. Fuck you guys for trying to control my life.

Please just let me be, and if I've done anything wrong, leave it to God, He will judge me the right way. You have no right to judge me. And don't hate me because I wrote this post instead of being frontal, you weren't so frontal either.

If your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault, between you and him alone. If he listens to you, you have gained your brother -Matthew 18:15

Guess you haven't been reading your Bible well.

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Jul 15, 2013 @ 8:38 PM | Link

I'm Back! (Kinda)

Hmm, an empty timeline. That's weird.

is what you'd likely see when you visit my blog, on the twitter sidebar. Yes I've been keeping my twitter private for a while because the amount of people who've been stalking my twitter IS TOO DAMN HIGH. I feel like a celebrity, they take what I write and make it news. Yes, literally a NEWS among a group of some "people" which I've lost my respect from.

Not just those "people" (apparently they might not be people, just some animals with wild thoughts trapped in human bodies from what I think) but apparently a bunch of girls outside that group.

Cute face, slim body, pocket full of money. That's just my blessing and I EARNED my way to be who I am right now. Of course there's only one thing to describe why they're mad at me right now: jealousy. Aww they might not admit but let other people judge, they're jelly.

Whenever I go, they talk about it. What I shop, they wanna know it. But then they get butt hurt because of jealousy. Isn't that sad? And I have to keep my attitude to maintain my and apparently my Dad's reputations (he's a public figure fyi).

They don't like the fact I have the money. I'm a business woman at such young age, I earn my own money, why hating? They don't like the fact I love shopping. They don't like what I wear they don't like the fact that I'm fashionable. I might sound conceited I'm sorry but that's just the way it is. You can't tell people who have money not to buy anything they can buy, right?? It's my money and once again: I earn my own money. I'm not some kind of spoiled kid who's after my Dad's money. I admit I like to ask money from my parents but I also have my own money. Do I really have to explain where I get my money from? I'm sorry but that's not your business.

I'm sorry if your life is full of shit, tragedies, dramas, and unfortunates. But that has NOTHING to do with me. I also have my own misfortunes, the tough times I'm going through because God is fair and He's the only one who can judge. I'm personally saddened by those people who've been trying to hurt me (and family) but once again God's the only one to judge, He's the only one to punish WHO should be punished (if you know what I mean, wink wink).

And for those little girls who think I've been flirting with their "man", first:

1. He's not your man

2. We're just good friends

3. I have a boyfriend I deeply love, who's apparently a good friend of your "MAN" who's not your "MAN"!!!

Get it? Now get out of my way. And just so you know I've been to Girls' Generation, Super Junior, f(x), SHINee, Kangta, and EXO's concert (sounds a lot but that's actually the SMTown Concert they held last year lol) and also to SISTAR's and Boyfriend's fan meeting. Okay I might sound childish but that's the only way to talk to a CHILD, right? Yep you're just a child please wipe your ass you got some shits left there hun.

So my point is, just don't get butt hurt. You know my name, but not my story. And the most important one, don't be judgmental. I've been judgmental before, a lot of times. But this has made me learn, don't be judgmental because only God. Can. Judge. We'll never know the truth unless of course we ask. That's why if you wanna know, just ask. Don't just "take" and "make a story" of it. It's not good for your heart.

I'm sorry if I hurt your feelings I'm just writing what's on my thoughts. I'll reflect on myself then why don't you guys?

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Nov 21, 2012 @ 8:04 PM | Link

Post Title?

I have no idea what to write but... I thought when I started renewing this blog I'd be actively writing... Well. That was because the IELTS test.

THE IELTS TEST!

I'm past it. Waaaaaaaaay over it. The test was held on the 17th and I could say I did pretty great. The listening was easy even though I might have some missing :B Argh. And the reading was super hard but I could do it anyway. I was practicing for the general training reading, no wonder it felt so easy. But since I applied for academic test, it was a little bit beyond my expectation. But I did it pretty well I guess. The writing part had a topic I could easily relate to, so it wasn't bad. Especially the speaking test. See, I went to the club the other day, went pretty crazy, I couldn't control my mouth I kept on talking to all those westerns. It boosted my confidence so I did pretty great for the speaking.

Now it's time for me to wait... the result is out by the end of the month, 13 days after the day the test was commenced.

Anywaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay. I went to see Breaking Dawn Part 2 just now and it was epic! Can't believe it finally came to an end!! Well the sad part was that the grown up Reneesme could only get a less than 5 seconds camera time LOL. I loved it however. I remember being such a twihard back then.

I've been so tired these days and I couldn't sleep last night. So I'm going back to watching Running Man and good night!

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Nov 19, 2012 @ 5:20 PM | Link

Lose Weight

One of Kpop idols I resent the most for looking like a whale ~~probably~~ is Suzy. Followed by Eunjung but I still like her because she's less obnoxious off screen, although sometimes I think she has this freaky way of staring. Lee Hi is another story, I don't think her as an idol though. She's the mother of WHALES. I don't find her voice characteristic that amazing anyway. But well, I'm here to talk about Suzy.

I thought she was "just" fine when I started watching Dream High. Her role was somehow annoying as it was getting closer to the ending and her straight face was so distracting. AND her huge thighs caught my attention. Dream High was one of the reasons I got into Kpop, when I started knowing other artists, I began to realize that Suzy was a whale.

I personally think she's been too fake. How she doesn't have many actual friends and a lot of oppas/guys/dongsaengs are after her but because she's just trying to act nice to the boys, while with the girls she's acting like a bitch. Let's take an example -Invincible Youth 2. I heard this confession from the other girls (well I think it was Mom Lee Young Ja and Yewon or Hyoyeon I can't remember, or maybe Jiyoung) were saying how they thought Suzy was close to them but sometimes they thought Suzy wasn't. And how Yewon said she text'd Suzy a lot but she rarely replied, and even Boom said he said goodbye to Suzy and Suzy ignored him. Jiyoung also said that she took Suzy as a rival.

The girl is too overrated, but she doesn't do much. I wanted to watch Big but all I could see was this whale dressed up in pastel colors trying to block my view! She irked me so baddddlllyyy and her acting was just UGHHHHHHH UGH UGH!!!! And I HATE HATE HATE how she gets photoshopped to look "thinner" in picture. She's tall, okay. But her big-wide-whale-like figure makes her look terrible. Plus, she's very fake.

She doesn't deserve the attention. I am not jealous of her, it's just because she can't do nothing. Modeling? Man she's FAT. Acting? The girl can't act AT ALL. Singing? Fei does much better. Dancing? Min is the dancing queen! And people like her because she looks "natural" even with no makeup she looks "pretty". To me, she looks so fat. And I look pretty without makeup. Most girls actually look fine without makeups!

And the reason why she's being hated is also because she holds back the other members. Fei even confessed how she'd like to begin acting career. But since it has been allll about Suzy she just can't shine... :( too bad. I personally think Fei is very feminine, and Min is so cute. Although I don't think there's anything special about Jia.

And I hated how she thought that everything was all about her on Invincible Youth 2. Which is why I stopped watching the show. The first reason was because Sunny quit the show. Well I'm happy since she quit before it finally came to an end.

Can people seeeeeeeeeeeeeeee how fake she's been. Acting cute in front of the oppas when she acts mean to the other girls and she only thinks about winning, being number one, and being liked the most???? The girl is fat and fake. She needs to lose weight at least, and I'd be impressed. And of course, be just herself. I remember her dissing Yewon live on Music Bank when she was interviewed by Yewon, Suzy said something "of course I'm prettier than you" that was so full of herself and I just erghhhh hate her.

Well enough ranting already I've got Music Bank and Inkigayo coming... I hate to say I love I Don't Need A Man so much but seeing Suzy makes me wanna punch her in the face.

ENOUGH.

BYE

Oh and PS: the reason I say this is of course because I'm skinnier than her.

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Nov 8, 2012 @ 5:11 PM | Link

Running Man!

This Korean variety show and its popularity... ARGH! I can't take this anymoreee it's too awesome! I've watched til episode 78... Very addicting. So yeah, just like how the others are, I'm gonna write a review of whom I like the most and I I like the least... Here we go!

7. Ji Suk Jin Of course I don't like him... at all. Most times I pity him. When he was a fool spy and he acted like he won but he didn't, and he looked very pitiful when he revealed that Park Ye Jin and the other guy (can't remember his name) were the original spies. LOL. Also the high school special episode, when he wasn't paired with anymore... that was so sad. And I started to hate him when he tackled the other team (which Kim Jong Kook was in) and their team won. Even the PD realized this and let it slip. Damnnnn.

6. Lee Kwang Soo I never liked him the moment I saw him but he got better and better after he shaved LOL. And after he dyed his hair. His awkward moments were too funny when he was dumped, rejected, and fell in love with Soo Hyun. I actually liked that episode, they made a cute coupleeee! Nuna and his dongsaeng. LOL. But he's too weak, that's why I place him at 6.

5. Yoo Jae Suk It's kinda hard to decide between Jaesuk and Jihyo. Not a fan, but they're both pretty cool. At the beginning I disliked Yoo Jae Suk, but I learned that he's a very down to earth person. I've seen how nice he is to people and fans around him, and I've realized that he deserves the title "Nation's MC" or "Nation's Mettugi (grasshopper)" LOL. And I find his close relationship with Haha very funny, every ti me they do "YA!"

4. Song Ji Hyo The Ace. Mongji! I didn't actually like her, but she's good. She's not a brilliant woman, but she's very smart, or should I say... observant. That's the best word. And on the early episodes she was like shy, and so beautiful, then she ended up not caring about looks or her pride anymore, LOL. She even cut her hair and has been keeping it short ever since. I like her determination. AND her devilish smirk when she wins. It's annoying sometimes but when I find it awesome I clap at her. Like when they were in Hongkong with Yonghwa and Lee Min Jung and she was actually the one holding the right bronze ever since the beginning and ended up as the winner, that was very cool.

3. Kang Gary I find gary a very cool person ever since the beginning. "Peaceful Gary" how he was very cool when he was photographed. And his cool act everywhere. And his dance. The way he talks. And how he's won the "best running man" title twice (as far as I've watched the show) and he was very cool about it. He's not powerful, he's Lucky Gary. I enjoy every Monday Couple moment. Gary is nothing special, that's what makes him special.

2. Haha Haha is like my mood booster. He's a babo, okay. And he's also lucky like Gary, well not as lucky as Gary is. I love his relationship with his "URI HYUNG" aka Kim Jong Kook. They're so cute, and how Haha respects and obeys his hyung so much, so cute. I think Haha will make a good actor. Just look at the way he expresses anger or shyness through his face. I enjoy laughing at him. And every time his explodes, this "YA!" sound is played from Pororo. Oh my cute Haroro I can't believe he's getting married! And everytime he says "please be my last love~!" super cute.

1. Kim Jong Kook Well well well there he is. Everyone's number one. He's awesome, just awesome. Have you seen his muscles? Lol. Okay I admit it I didn't like him at the beginning too. I saw him. He was buff, and he used forces and power to win. And he always won! That's how I started liking him... He always won! Not just very strong, he's very brainy. Such a detective brain. Every time Running Man makes fun of him, I hate it. Whenever the battle is individual, I always root for him.

Well there are two other members to... Song Joong Ki and Lizzy. So sad to know they left the show. Song Joong Ki would rank after Kim Jong Kook, placing at second. Well he is very dreamyyyy :p and smart. And his face, argh! And Lizzy might rank somewhere before or after Jihyo. I didn't like her at first :P But then I got caught up with her cutesy and her... satoori-ness. She was cute and being herself, although she didn't play a big role on the show, I liked her effort. And Song Joong Ki, hated when he left! He cried... Uh... I miss himmm :(

Song Joong Ki please marry my unni Sunny please :'((( PLEASE! I really ship this couple, really miss their moment, and I TOTALLY LOVED their episode.

Bring this couple back please~

Well, I'm in the writing mood, but guess what. I just finished downloading new Nancy Drew gameeee wooohoooooo~ I have to go out right now, I don't feel so good, that's why I have to go out :))) I still have one story I want to post but... later, k? Byebyebye!

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@ 1:41 PM | Link

Craving, Baby!

I recently lost 5kg (11lbs) for about a month and a half. I went to a strict calorie diet which only allowed me to consume 800 calories a day. It wasn't killing me, really. The thing is, my best friends finally moved away for universities, they were the ones who kept on chocking me foods. I was around 46/47kg back then. Our favorite thing was to eat eat and eat. So they went back to Bali for a short holiday, yippeee! Guess what? We ate a lot again.

Day 1: Weti, nasi bungkus, rujak, lunch @Moi's, roti canai bunana, then we wrapped up the day at a karaoke.
Day 2: Babi guling, nasi ayam kedewatan, and went to enjoy the sunset @ Mozaic Beach Club
Day 3: Good deal & chillin' at HOD
Day 4: They all went home

So, eating eating eating. I couldn't take it anymore, I thought I gained weight again, I couldn't help this. And after they went back home, my appetite was still big so big and I kept on eating without controlling calories anymore. Well since I wasn't on diet anymore everything was fine as long as I didn't eat more than 1300 calories. But still, made me feel guilty. I'm around 42kg right now.

What saddens me right now is how my tummy isn't flat anymore, I've been eating a lot these days. A lot, for a dieting girl. I don't wanna lose weight anymore, but gaining isn't funny either. And I've been craving ever since my best friends left. I feel like making a list.

Natalia's craving list:
1. Babi guling Bu Era (eaten)
2. Nasi bungkus Gajah Mada (eaten.... just now)
3. Nuri's pork ribs (eaten yesterday, celebrating Mom's birthday)
4. Arena's steak (eaten with Om Theo~!)
5. Nasi goreng sosis lombok (eaten alone HAHA my grandma cooked it for me but the sosis lombok was so precious! My aunt finally brought them from Lombok for me yipppeee~!)
6. Warung Italy's crespelle (eaten)
7. Weti (THIS... is on the top of the list actually!)
8. Subak (miss their clams so much!!!)
9. Kitchenette (craving for their sandwich so much...)
10. Good Deal's beef burger

The bad thing is when I crave, it won't stop till I eat it... HAHA. And I'm on my PMS days :'( it's killing me, I always crave before I hit my period. Well at least tomorrow morning I get to eat @ Weti with my bestfriend! Although tbh, I'm full now since I just had something to eat.

Let's just hope after all these cravings are satisfied, I can go back to the skinny me. But it's just so hard to lose my appetite once it's this big. Well honestly I lost my weight because I lost my appetite, I was having a hard time at that time with some...body.

This is how go on diet. It can be considered unhealthy, but I did anyway, it's up to you if you want to follow this diet, risk at your own.

I wake up late. Around 10am to 11am. So I don't feel so hungry.
I have low calorie (yes you'll be reading this a lot) brunch at around 12am to 1pm.
Before I eat, I drink ~600ml of water.
For my brunch I have 50calorie (1/4 cup) of rice.
And I pick the lowest calorie meat for around 200-300calorie.
I have the same food again at around 4pm to 5pm.
Don't eat snacks. The calories are very dangerous, very very very.
I drink at least 3L of water each day and sleep later.
It's okay to sleep later as long as you don't eat anymore.
And my best advice is, don't go out to eat. We just lose control.

In my case I'm gonna satisfy all these cravings first before I can start losing weight again. Haha. Or should I say... flatten my tummy.

Bye

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@ 1:23 PM | Link

Ahm Beccckkkh

I'm back! Yes I am. After ages and ages I'm finally back. Made some new changes for my blog, guess what! I hope I can be an active blogger again (and again who cares...) Last time I was sitting with my hubby (joking we're not married) about how we started to fall in love with each other in the beginning and I thought hey, I could still remember every single thing, one day when I become old, how am I going to remember this beautiful memory? So I decided to start writing again.

I made him some hand writings about the past, and it was beautiful. He read it while he was playing GTA on my computer, and he was giggling, remembering how things used to be in the past -so pretty. I miss those times I miss miss miss those times. Guess it's never coming back, huh? Such a cute love story.

But nooooooooo I'm not gonna post my love story here. Well, not all of em. I'm gonna keep my memories in my documents. WORD documents. I have a lot. Mostly about my ex. I'm gonna read them again. In fact, although I'm waaaay over him I find it cute to see the past LOL.

Plus, I'm taking an IELTS test in less than 10 days. Which means I should study study study like a geek :B So writing is gonna help me improve my skills. Right now I'm downloading new Nancy Drew game! The Deadly Device... This is sure gonna confiscate my time but whatever, this game helps me improve my listening skill anyway *as if*

So yeah, I'm gonna write a post after this, kisskiss!

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Mar 28, 2012 @ 7:15 PM | Link

RIP Bu Sudharsana

Another person I knew just died. She was one of the kindest people I knew, it was very sad to know that she was gone… Bu Sudharsana was a mom of one daughter and one son, both are my friends, Dewi and Khrisna. It was Nyepi Day, a.k.a Silent Day, where people can’t even GO OUT of their houses, just stay at home, and no lights at night. A good way to prevent global warming, eh? But no, it’s a tradition for one day one night here in Bali, every year. I’m myself not used to spending Nyepi Day in Bali. We usually stay in a hotel or go out of Bali.

Not this time, at least. I thought spending Nyepi Day at home would be a great thing. Both just with my Dad. But we finally decided to leave to Malang. I never had idea what I was actually going to do there other than visiting my brother with my Mom, but they asked me to come along so I came. Khrisna also came, there was a mission week at SATI in Malang. Before we had to leave Malang we went to Surabaya. Boy, I just wanted to go back to Bali already. Khrisna and the others went home first to Bali, they used another car. I was still stuck around Surabaya-Malang with my family, after we picked up Daddy at Surabaya’s airport.

The morning when I woke up was Sunday, we slept together in one room, how comfy, the five of us. Mom, Dad, my brother, my sister, and I. when I woke up everyone was preparing for church, I, always, was the last one to wake up and take a bath. Daddy was somewhere out of the room with my brother, while my sister was preparing, she picked up a call. Mom was in the bathroom, and my Dad went back.

“Bu Sudharsana got stroke,” my sister said.

I was shocked. How could she get a stroke? Bu Sudharsana was 46 years old, and a NURSE. Not that, a nurse. Looking healthy, never heard of her talking about any illness. She was fit. I had a bad feeling.

“Really? How do you know?” asked my Dad.

“Pak Sudharsana called,” she said saying that her husband called. “He asked to help pray for her.”

“Maybe I should call.”

“Don’t, they’re in an emergency, just call later.”

It was my turn to take a bath, and I still had a bad feeling. While I was dressing, I could hear the commotion out there in the room, my Mom’s phone rang. I had the worst feeling ever.

“Yeah? Hello?” Mom picked up with a calm voice.

I calmed down for a while.

…or maybe not.

“Who’s this?! What happened?! Ooh, God!” my Mom started to scare me again.

I knew what happened, so I rushed out of the bathroom, and watched my Mom on the phone. Mom never said anything directly to me but from the conversation I knew it, Bu Sudharsana was gone. My sister was there too, but not my Dad nor my brother. We prayed for a while, Mom was still shocked on the phone, and I was sad. So sad.

We tried calling everyone in Bali, and everyone was so hard to be contacted, and when they could be, they were shocked as well. There was a service at church and everyone was busy so…

My sister called Kak Iis, she was on the car with Khrisna, they reached Denpasar already. She could hear Khrisna’s sobs after knowing his Mom got stroke. My sister told Kak Iis his mom passed away, how sad. Khrisna knew it just when they arrived at the hospital, and he fainted.

We went home around 4pm after church and reach my home in Bali around 8am. Took a bath and then left to Kertha Semadi. Bu Sudharsana’s body was in a traditional Bali dress, Dewi and Khrisna were there, their eyes are like panda’s. Their father also looked very sad, and I was sad as well. I just couldn’t believe that just happened. I stared at her body, her face. She looked a lot like Khrisna.

Around 7pm we went back to Kertha Semadi again to do a service. From the distance I could see Khrisna mourning her mom’s body near the coffin. I could see him sob, wipe his tears, and it was a very sad moment. I couldn’t help my tears from falling. I wanted to hug him and tell him everything was going to be alright, but I knew everything wasn’t. There would be days when he can’t see his mom anymore, hear her talk, watch her food, or get her text or phone call.

People started to approach him, so I did too. I could only try to calm him by rubbing his back.

The service started and we sang two praises. It was sad to see just the three of them, it was usually the four of them. Dewi started to cry. I cried too, I couldn’t even sing. It was too sad to watch Dewi and Khrisna cry. Dewi’s around my age, last Christmas was her very first Christmas celebration. They’re Christian only for two years. Their families are all Hindhu Balinese. No one could support them. Dewi couldn’t attend her first Christmas celebration since she was hospitalized, but last year we practiced together once every week, we sang for the celebration’s choir, we danced together. We’re not very close, but we’re good friends.

I remember she once said, “Is this a dream? Please let this be a dream” and that was very sad.

The service ended with a never end session of Khrisna crying. He cried in silence and sobbed. Mbak Ambar tried to comfort him too, and I tried to be close Dewi and Khrisna. I cried too, I couldn’t stop my tears whenever I saw the two cry.

The next morning we went back to Kertha Semadi (yeah, again) to nail the coffin. Bu Sudharsana’s friends sang a song for her and they cried. My Mom brought a sermon and speech. The sermon, for me, was really blessing.

“It is better to go to the house of mourning, than to go to the house of feasting: for that is the end of all men; and the living will lay it to his heart” –Ecclesiastes 7:2

It thought us to value our lives and the others’ lives more. I couldn’t imagine if I was Dewi, I would be totally devastated. That’s why I couldn’t help but cry. My mom gave her speech about Bu Sudharsana. The last thing she cooked for my Mom’s to eat was the fish soup. My Mom cried, she was also sad to know that Bu Sudharsana was long gone. She talked about how happy Khrisna was when we visited Malang. It was an enjoyable vacation for him, laughing all the way, seeing stuff he had never seen in his life (e.g. tall buildings and… trains). Mom said he really regretted that she never called Bu Sudharsana that night, when she had already given herself a thought to do so. She wanted to tell her that her son was happy there with us. But she never called.

Bu Sudharsana was a very very very very nice person. I never saw her get mad, fuss off, get pissed off, curse, complain, nag, whine, talk shit behind people’s back, and I never heard anyone talk shit about her either. She was a nurse for 23 years in Sanglah Hospital. Can you believe it? A nurse. I mean, who wants to be a nurse nowadays? It’s not an easy thing to do. 100000x harder than sitting in front of my computer being an internet marketer. She had to deal with dying people with diseases, blood, emergency rooms, and corpses. I can’t imagine being a person like her. She was a hero. She helped many people get in the hospital for a room. She always took good care of people.

She was friendly, she liked to praise people, she always smiled, she was just the best nurse I ever knew. And now she’s gone. It’s like a dream, and I still can’t accept it. I don’t want this to happen, and I just hope this was just a dream. I, who’s not even related to them, feel like that. I can’t imagine how devastated her husband, and Dewi and Khrisna are.

After my Mom’s speech, Pak Sudharsana gave his last speech. He stepped up along with Dewi and Khrisna, and took the microphone. We couldn’t really hear him at first with the microphone’s problems, and he was also talking falteringly, and flopped big time.

I can’t exactly repeat what he said, but he was thankful, for all the support and help from the church, all the people around her, although sad to say, their family helped so less. They didn’t have time to go home from the mourning house, so I brought my clothes for them.

“And goodbye my wife, my lover,” Pak Sudharsana said in husky voice. He started to sob. “I love you, I love you, wait for me my love, I love you…” he said and started to sob.

That was the first time everyone ever saw him like that, everyone started to cry in silence, it was a very sad moment to see.

They were finally nailing the coffin, Dewi rushed to see her mom’s face for the last time.

We all left to the cemetery, and Dewi and Khrisna were still sad. They were still crying in silence, Khrisna’s eyes were very red, he couldn’t stop crying. He never had the chance to see her Mom. When he got back from Malang, she was just gone.

When they were lying the coffin down, Khrisna put the last kiss on his mom’s coffin. Then they started burying the coffin.

I gave my last hug to Khrisna and Dewi. Mom was talking to Pak Sudharsana, he wasn’t crying, but his eyes are sad as well, he could talk hardly. He said he was still thankful. He was thankful! Can someone believe that? For someone who just became Christian for two years, and he had to face this, he said he was thankful. Since his family wasn’t helpful at all, we, as the big family tried helping him.

We all went home, and I still couldn’t believe what happened. Still can’t. I just shed a tear again while writing this, it’s just so sad. I wanna know how the two are doing, they must be still very sad. Stepping into the house, realizing there isn’t a Mom anymore in that house taking care for them. Seeing the closet full of their Mom’s clothes, and no one’s gonna wear it anymore. The kitchen and its memories of a Mom cooking. The front car’s seat that will be forever empty because no Mom will sit there anymore. Why did this happen, God? Please let this be a dream.

It’s a very sad story and I just can only pray for Pak Sudharsana and his only two family now. May the Holy Spirits always cheer them. And let this be a lesson for us to value our lives more. Before someone bust me crying, I gotta stop my tears :') I've been trying to work here, in fact I've been sitting here for 12 hours, can't seem to get off my seat.

Dad just got back from Surabaya and boy am I glad he's here. I'm gonna love my parents more now, and take good care of them, and *sigh* listen more to them. Now it's time to play with my Daddy :DD And go back to my work later :(

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Feb 4, 2012 @ 11:00 AM | Link

22 Days To Seeing YOUNGMIN♥!!!!!!!!

SO YEAH! I've been thinking about it last night! I have to find the best gifts for Youngmin!!♥ So my plans are:

1. CD
Yep, I'm gonna make a CD of me singing Boyfriend's songs xD And more songs, plus one song for Youngmin. I'm gonna ask my friend to help me write it GYAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. I want it acoustic :P But I have no idea how to record it, still. LOL LOL. The tracks COULD be:
01 Girlfriend (Boyfriend's cover)
02 내 남자 손대지마 (Nae Namja Sondejima/Don't Touch My Boy) (Don't Touch My Girl's cover)
03 내가 갈게 (I'll Be There)
04 혼자가 아닌 둘 (Not One, But Two)
05 You And I
06 Youngmin's song (I haven't decided the title)
07 I'm In Love - Narsha cover
08 I Love U, I Want U, I Need U - Goo Hara cover
09 널 사랑하겠어 (Neol Saranghagesseo/I Choose To Love You) - Hyorin cover
10 반지 (Banji/Ring) - Tiffany cover
11 Be My Baby - Wonder Girls cover
12 The Boys *bonus track* - Girls' Generation cover

LOL bonus track =P

2. Shirt
I don't know what shirt, but something that Youngmin can't forget, and he'll wear, and I'm gonna see him wear it xD xD

3. POOH BEAR!
Yeah this thing's gonna be big, so maybe not so big, because I hope he'll bring it back to his dorm, well... I hope so xD I'm gonna buy one in Singapore since I don't want to bring huge things from Bali, sheez.

4. Hat
I never seen him wear one, so Imma buy one for him so he'll wear it, I hope :P He's not a hat type of boy but well who knows?! If he only has one hat, he'll definitely wear it right!? XD

5. Something handmade
Yeah I haven't decided :( But I LOVEEEEEEEEE handmade stuff! I LOVE LOVE LOVE ♥! Like you know, that jar of hearts? Well I'm gonna do something different now... Or maybe not? IDK! HAHAHAHA. Let me see then :P

6. Shoes, maybe?
IDK. I don't know his size!!!!!!!!!!!! But well this one is optional :)

Hihihi my love ♥ Ah I'm so excited! I should start working on these things soooooooon muahahaahhahahaa >:D ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥

It won't be fair but I'm sure I'm gonna buy pikachu for Kwangmin, and maybe a pikachu shirt since he's got a lot of pikachu's -________-" Aww geez.

So yeah I can't wait to start working!!! =D~♥

SEE YA YOUNGMIN♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥

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Sweet, But Sour