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♥ Natalia.

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Another person I knew just died. She was one of the kindest people I knew, it was very sad to know that she was gone… Bu Sudharsana was a mom of one daughter and one son, both are my friends, Dewi and Khrisna. It was Nyepi Day, a.k.a Silent Day, where people can’t even GO OUT of their houses, just stay at home, and no lights at night. A good way to prevent global warming, eh? But no, it’s a tradition for one day one night here in Bali, every year. I’m myself not used to spending Nyepi Day in Bali. We usually stay in a hotel or go out of Bali.

Not this time, at least. I thought spending Nyepi Day at home would be a great thing. Both just with my Dad. But we finally decided to leave to Malang. I never had idea what I was actually going to do there other than visiting my brother with my Mom, but they asked me to come along so I came. Khrisna also came, there was a mission week at SATI in Malang. Before we had to leave Malang we went to Surabaya. Boy, I just wanted to go back to Bali already. Khrisna and the others went home first to Bali, they used another car. I was still stuck around Surabaya-Malang with my family, after we picked up Daddy at Surabaya’s airport.

The morning when I woke up was Sunday, we slept together in one room, how comfy, the five of us. Mom, Dad, my brother, my sister, and I. when I woke up everyone was preparing for church, I, always, was the last one to wake up and take a bath. Daddy was somewhere out of the room with my brother, while my sister was preparing, she picked up a call. Mom was in the bathroom, and my Dad went back.

“Bu Sudharsana got stroke,” my sister said.

I was shocked. How could she get a stroke? Bu Sudharsana was 46 years old, and a NURSE. Not that, a nurse. Looking healthy, never heard of her talking about any illness. She was fit. I had a bad feeling.

“Really? How do you know?” asked my Dad.

“Pak Sudharsana called,” she said saying that her husband called. “He asked to help pray for her.”

“Maybe I should call.”

“Don’t, they’re in an emergency, just call later.”

It was my turn to take a bath, and I still had a bad feeling. While I was dressing, I could hear the commotion out there in the room, my Mom’s phone rang. I had the worst feeling ever.

“Yeah? Hello?” Mom picked up with a calm voice.

I calmed down for a while.

…or maybe not.

“Who’s this?! What happened?! Ooh, God!” my Mom started to scare me again.

I knew what happened, so I rushed out of the bathroom, and watched my Mom on the phone. Mom never said anything directly to me but from the conversation I knew it, Bu Sudharsana was gone. My sister was there too, but not my Dad nor my brother. We prayed for a while, Mom was still shocked on the phone, and I was sad. So sad.

We tried calling everyone in Bali, and everyone was so hard to be contacted, and when they could be, they were shocked as well. There was a service at church and everyone was busy so…

My sister called Kak Iis, she was on the car with Khrisna, they reached Denpasar already. She could hear Khrisna’s sobs after knowing his Mom got stroke. My sister told Kak Iis his mom passed away, how sad. Khrisna knew it just when they arrived at the hospital, and he fainted.

We went home around 4pm after church and reach my home in Bali around 8am. Took a bath and then left to Kertha Semadi. Bu Sudharsana’s body was in a traditional Bali dress, Dewi and Khrisna were there, their eyes are like panda’s. Their father also looked very sad, and I was sad as well. I just couldn’t believe that just happened. I stared at her body, her face. She looked a lot like Khrisna.

Around 7pm we went back to Kertha Semadi again to do a service. From the distance I could see Khrisna mourning her mom’s body near the coffin. I could see him sob, wipe his tears, and it was a very sad moment. I couldn’t help my tears from falling. I wanted to hug him and tell him everything was going to be alright, but I knew everything wasn’t. There would be days when he can’t see his mom anymore, hear her talk, watch her food, or get her text or phone call.

People started to approach him, so I did too. I could only try to calm him by rubbing his back.

The service started and we sang two praises. It was sad to see just the three of them, it was usually the four of them. Dewi started to cry. I cried too, I couldn’t even sing. It was too sad to watch Dewi and Khrisna cry. Dewi’s around my age, last Christmas was her very first Christmas celebration. They’re Christian only for two years. Their families are all Hindhu Balinese. No one could support them. Dewi couldn’t attend her first Christmas celebration since she was hospitalized, but last year we practiced together once every week, we sang for the celebration’s choir, we danced together. We’re not very close, but we’re good friends.

I remember she once said, “Is this a dream? Please let this be a dream” and that was very sad.

The service ended with a never end session of Khrisna crying. He cried in silence and sobbed. Mbak Ambar tried to comfort him too, and I tried to be close Dewi and Khrisna. I cried too, I couldn’t stop my tears whenever I saw the two cry.

The next morning we went back to Kertha Semadi (yeah, again) to nail the coffin. Bu Sudharsana’s friends sang a song for her and they cried. My Mom brought a sermon and speech. The sermon, for me, was really blessing.


It thought us to value our lives and the others’ lives more. I couldn’t imagine if I was Dewi, I would be totally devastated. That’s why I couldn’t help but cry. My mom gave her speech about Bu Sudharsana. The last thing she cooked for my Mom’s to eat was the fish soup. My Mom cried, she was also sad to know that Bu Sudharsana was long gone. She talked about how happy Khrisna was when we visited Malang. It was an enjoyable vacation for him, laughing all the way, seeing stuff he had never seen in his life (e.g. tall buildings and… trains). Mom said he really regretted that she never called Bu Sudharsana that night, when she had already given herself a thought to do so. She wanted to tell her that her son was happy there with us. But she never called.

Bu Sudharsana was a very very very very nice person. I never saw her get mad, fuss off, get pissed off, curse, complain, nag, whine, talk shit behind people’s back, and I never heard anyone talk shit about her either. She was a nurse for 23 years in Sanglah Hospital. Can you believe it? A nurse. I mean, who wants to be a nurse nowadays? It’s not an easy thing to do. 100000x harder than sitting in front of my computer being an internet marketer. She had to deal with dying people with diseases, blood, emergency rooms, and corpses. I can’t imagine being a person like her. She was a hero. She helped many people get in the hospital for a room. She always took good care of people.

She was friendly, she liked to praise people, she always smiled, she was just the best nurse I ever knew. And now she’s gone. It’s like a dream, and I still can’t accept it. I don’t want this to happen, and I just hope this was just a dream. I, who’s not even related to them, feel like that. I can’t imagine how devastated her husband, and Dewi and Khrisna are.

After my Mom’s speech, Pak Sudharsana gave his last speech. He stepped up along with Dewi and Khrisna, and took the microphone. We couldn’t really hear him at first with the microphone’s problems, and he was also talking falteringly, and flopped big time.

I can’t exactly repeat what he said, but he was thankful, for all the support and help from the church, all the people around her, although sad to say, their family helped so less. They didn’t have time to go home from the mourning house, so I brought my clothes for them.

“And goodbye my wife, my lover,” Pak Sudharsana said in husky voice. He started to sob. “I love you, I love you, wait for me my love, I love you…” he said and started to sob.

That was the first time everyone ever saw him like that, everyone started to cry in silence, it was a very sad moment to see.

They were finally nailing the coffin, Dewi rushed to see her mom’s face for the last time.

We all left to the cemetery, and Dewi and Khrisna were still sad. They were still crying in silence, Khrisna’s eyes were very red, he couldn’t stop crying. He never had the chance to see her Mom. When he got back from Malang, she was just gone.

When they were lying the coffin down, Khrisna put the last kiss on his mom’s coffin. Then they started burying the coffin.

I gave my last hug to Khrisna and Dewi. Mom was talking to Pak Sudharsana, he wasn’t crying, but his eyes are sad as well, he could talk hardly. He said he was still thankful. He was thankful! Can someone believe that? For someone who just became Christian for two years, and he had to face this, he said he was thankful. Since his family wasn’t helpful at all, we, as the big family tried helping him.

We all went home, and I still couldn’t believe what happened. Still can’t. I just shed a tear again while writing this, it’s just so sad. I wanna know how the two are doing, they must be still very sad. Stepping into the house, realizing there isn’t a Mom anymore in that house taking care for them. Seeing the closet full of their Mom’s clothes, and no one’s gonna wear it anymore. The kitchen and its memories of a Mom cooking. The front car’s seat that will be forever empty because no Mom will sit there anymore. Why did this happen, God? Please let this be a dream.

It’s a very sad story and I just can only pray for Pak Sudharsana and his only two family now. May the Holy Spirits always cheer them. And let this be a lesson for us to value our lives more. Before someone bust me crying, I gotta stop my tears :') I've been trying to work here, in fact I've been sitting here for 12 hours, can't seem to get off my seat.

Dad just got back from Surabaya and boy am I glad he's here. I'm gonna love my parents more now, and take good care of them, and *sigh* listen more to them. Now it's time to play with my Daddy :DD And go back to my work later :(

Another person I knew just died. She was one of the kindest people I knew, it was very sad to know that she was gone… Bu Sudharsana was a mom of one daughter and one son, both are my friends, Dewi and Khrisna. It was Nyepi Day, a.k.a Silent Day, where people can’t even GO OUT of their houses, just stay at home, and no lights at night. A good way to prevent global warming, eh? But no, it’s a tradition for one day one night here in Bali, every year. I’m myself not used to spending Nyepi Day in Bali. We usually stay in a hotel or go out of Bali.

Not this time, at least. I thought spending Nyepi Day at home would be a great thing. Both just with my Dad. But we finally decided to leave to Malang. I never had idea what I was actually going to do there other than visiting my brother with my Mom, but they asked me to come along so I came. Khrisna also came, there was a mission week at SATI in Malang. Before we had to leave Malang we went to Surabaya. Boy, I just wanted to go back to Bali already. Khrisna and the others went home first to Bali, they used another car. I was still stuck around Surabaya-Malang with my family, after we picked up Daddy at Surabaya’s airport.

The morning when I woke up was Sunday, we slept together in one room, how comfy, the five of us. Mom, Dad, my brother, my sister, and I. when I woke up everyone was preparing for church, I, always, was the last one to wake up and take a bath. Daddy was somewhere out of the room with my brother, while my sister was preparing, she picked up a call. Mom was in the bathroom, and my Dad went back.

“Bu Sudharsana got stroke,” my sister said.

I was shocked. How could she get a stroke? Bu Sudharsana was 46 years old, and a NURSE. Not that, a nurse. Looking healthy, never heard of her talking about any illness. She was fit. I had a bad feeling.

“Really? How do you know?” asked my Dad.

“Pak Sudharsana called,” she said saying that her husband called. “He asked to help pray for her.”

“Maybe I should call.”

“Don’t, they’re in an emergency, just call later.”

It was my turn to take a bath, and I still had a bad feeling. While I was dressing, I could hear the commotion out there in the room, my Mom’s phone rang. I had the worst feeling ever.

“Yeah? Hello?” Mom picked up with a calm voice.

I calmed down for a while.

…or maybe not.

“Who’s this?! What happened?! Ooh, God!” my Mom started to scare me again.

I knew what happened, so I rushed out of the bathroom, and watched my Mom on the phone. Mom never said anything directly to me but from the conversation I knew it, Bu Sudharsana was gone. My sister was there too, but not my Dad nor my brother. We prayed for a while, Mom was still shocked on the phone, and I was sad. So sad.

We tried calling everyone in Bali, and everyone was so hard to be contacted, and when they could be, they were shocked as well. There was a service at church and everyone was busy so…

My sister called Kak Iis, she was on the car with Khrisna, they reached Denpasar already. She could hear Khrisna’s sobs after knowing his Mom got stroke. My sister told Kak Iis his mom passed away, how sad. Khrisna knew it just when they arrived at the hospital, and he fainted.

We went home around 4pm after church and reach my home in Bali around 8am. Took a bath and then left to Kertha Semadi. Bu Sudharsana’s body was in a traditional Bali dress, Dewi and Khrisna were there, their eyes are like panda’s. Their father also looked very sad, and I was sad as well. I just couldn’t believe that just happened. I stared at her body, her face. She looked a lot like Khrisna.

Around 7pm we went back to Kertha Semadi again to do a service. From the distance I could see Khrisna mourning her mom’s body near the coffin. I could see him sob, wipe his tears, and it was a very sad moment. I couldn’t help my tears from falling. I wanted to hug him and tell him everything was going to be alright, but I knew everything wasn’t. There would be days when he can’t see his mom anymore, hear her talk, watch her food, or get her text or phone call.

People started to approach him, so I did too. I could only try to calm him by rubbing his back.

The service started and we sang two praises. It was sad to see just the three of them, it was usually the four of them. Dewi started to cry. I cried too, I couldn’t even sing. It was too sad to watch Dewi and Khrisna cry. Dewi’s around my age, last Christmas was her very first Christmas celebration. They’re Christian only for two years. Their families are all Hindhu Balinese. No one could support them. Dewi couldn’t attend her first Christmas celebration since she was hospitalized, but last year we practiced together once every week, we sang for the celebration’s choir, we danced together. We’re not very close, but we’re good friends.

I remember she once said, “Is this a dream? Please let this be a dream” and that was very sad.

The service ended with a never end session of Khrisna crying. He cried in silence and sobbed. Mbak Ambar tried to comfort him too, and I tried to be close Dewi and Khrisna. I cried too, I couldn’t stop my tears whenever I saw the two cry.

The next morning we went back to Kertha Semadi (yeah, again) to nail the coffin. Bu Sudharsana’s friends sang a song for her and they cried. My Mom brought a sermon and speech. The sermon, for me, was really blessing.


It thought us to value our lives and the others’ lives more. I couldn’t imagine if I was Dewi, I would be totally devastated. That’s why I couldn’t help but cry. My mom gave her speech about Bu Sudharsana. The last thing she cooked for my Mom’s to eat was the fish soup. My Mom cried, she was also sad to know that Bu Sudharsana was long gone. She talked about how happy Khrisna was when we visited Malang. It was an enjoyable vacation for him, laughing all the way, seeing stuff he had never seen in his life (e.g. tall buildings and… trains). Mom said he really regretted that she never called Bu Sudharsana that night, when she had already given herself a thought to do so. She wanted to tell her that her son was happy there with us. But she never called.

Bu Sudharsana was a very very very very nice person. I never saw her get mad, fuss off, get pissed off, curse, complain, nag, whine, talk shit behind people’s back, and I never heard anyone talk shit about her either. She was a nurse for 23 years in Sanglah Hospital. Can you believe it? A nurse. I mean, who wants to be a nurse nowadays? It’s not an easy thing to do. 100000x harder than sitting in front of my computer being an internet marketer. She had to deal with dying people with diseases, blood, emergency rooms, and corpses. I can’t imagine being a person like her. She was a hero. She helped many people get in the hospital for a room. She always took good care of people.

She was friendly, she liked to praise people, she always smiled, she was just the best nurse I ever knew. And now she’s gone. It’s like a dream, and I still can’t accept it. I don’t want this to happen, and I just hope this was just a dream. I, who’s not even related to them, feel like that. I can’t imagine how devastated her husband, and Dewi and Khrisna are.

After my Mom’s speech, Pak Sudharsana gave his last speech. He stepped up along with Dewi and Khrisna, and took the microphone. We couldn’t really hear him at first with the microphone’s problems, and he was also talking falteringly, and flopped big time.

I can’t exactly repeat what he said, but he was thankful, for all the support and help from the church, all the people around her, although sad to say, their family helped so less. They didn’t have time to go home from the mourning house, so I brought my clothes for them.

“And goodbye my wife, my lover,” Pak Sudharsana said in husky voice. He started to sob. “I love you, I love you, wait for me my love, I love you…” he said and started to sob.

That was the first time everyone ever saw him like that, everyone started to cry in silence, it was a very sad moment to see.

They were finally nailing the coffin, Dewi rushed to see her mom’s face for the last time.

We all left to the cemetery, and Dewi and Khrisna were still sad. They were still crying in silence, Khrisna’s eyes were very red, he couldn’t stop crying. He never had the chance to see her Mom. When he got back from Malang, she was just gone.

When they were lying the coffin down, Khrisna put the last kiss on his mom’s coffin. Then they started burying the coffin.

I gave my last hug to Khrisna and Dewi. Mom was talking to Pak Sudharsana, he wasn’t crying, but his eyes are sad as well, he could talk hardly. He said he was still thankful. He was thankful! Can someone believe that? For someone who just became Christian for two years, and he had to face this, he said he was thankful. Since his family wasn’t helpful at all, we, as the big family tried helping him.

We all went home, and I still couldn’t believe what happened. Still can’t. I just shed a tear again while writing this, it’s just so sad. I wanna know how the two are doing, they must be still very sad. Stepping into the house, realizing there isn’t a Mom anymore in that house taking care for them. Seeing the closet full of their Mom’s clothes, and no one’s gonna wear it anymore. The kitchen and its memories of a Mom cooking. The front car’s seat that will be forever empty because no Mom will sit there anymore. Why did this happen, God? Please let this be a dream.

It’s a very sad story and I just can only pray for Pak Sudharsana and his only two family now. May the Holy Spirits always cheer them. And let this be a lesson for us to value our lives more. Before someone bust me crying, I gotta stop my tears :') I've been trying to work here, in fact I've been sitting here for 12 hours, can't seem to get off my seat.

Dad just got back from Surabaya and boy am I glad he's here. I'm gonna love my parents more now, and take good care of them, and *sigh* listen more to them. Now it's time to play with my Daddy :DD And go back to my work later :(

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